This isn't ME. This isn't Mary Ruth. And I hate it when I'm not Mary Ruth. Mary Ruth is the kind of person who always smiles. Who makes every rainy day a sunny day. She is the kind who makes people smile. She is the one who makes me feel loved. But she isn't present in me right now. She isn't here. I lost her in a hidden part of myself and stayed there.
I hate playing with other people's emotions. I don't make people sad. I make them smile and laugh their heart out. But I forgot one person. MYSELF.
If you're reading this now and you know me pretty well, you'd really say this isn't me. And even I don't know if I am still myself.
My emotions are playing with my whole being. And trying to control it makes it worse. It the worst feeling in the world--not understanding yourself.
I get easily mad when I read certain things. I get jealous and I'm not even in the proper place to get jealous. I seek for attention when in fact, I receive a lot. I get very choosy of people who SHOULD give me attention. I want him/her for myself but I am not in love with him/her. I get easily tired of laughing my heart out. I wanted to be alone but then I'd seek for someone who would be alone with me. I am selfish. I am immature. Illogical.
You know how hard this is to admit? It's like eating a box of pulvoron all in the same time without water tio aid your dry throat.
I finally got tired of saying I'm fine while in fact, I'm in hell being burned my selfish ego. The reason why I studied Psychology? My answer would always be, "I want to learn how a human being behaves." Human behavior my ass. The reason why I took up the course because I feel shitty about this effing being inside me that would get out when I least need her. I NEED to understand myself. I WANT to understand myself.
Bipolar? Yes, I have thought of that. But I am still sane. Just emotionally unstable.
I'm building myself as a normal human being. I am normal. It's my thoughts that are not.
Things that deals with ATTENTION. Hell yeah, I'm one hell of an attention seeking...freak. I have this tendency to "OVER LOVE" a person. Wherein I want her/him to be mine alone. I want his/her attention to me alone. This is most probably the greatest thing I hate about myself. I know it is a very bad thing. That's why I don't let 'people' regarding this matter. But here I am telling you every detail! No names though. That would be a lot better.
And I hope I'd be a little better. Just little by little everyday.
Source URL: https://gbejadacosta.blogspot.com/2010/12/who-am-i.htmlI hate playing with other people's emotions. I don't make people sad. I make them smile and laugh their heart out. But I forgot one person. MYSELF.
If you're reading this now and you know me pretty well, you'd really say this isn't me. And even I don't know if I am still myself.
My emotions are playing with my whole being. And trying to control it makes it worse. It the worst feeling in the world--not understanding yourself.
I get easily mad when I read certain things. I get jealous and I'm not even in the proper place to get jealous. I seek for attention when in fact, I receive a lot. I get very choosy of people who SHOULD give me attention. I want him/her for myself but I am not in love with him/her. I get easily tired of laughing my heart out. I wanted to be alone but then I'd seek for someone who would be alone with me. I am selfish. I am immature. Illogical.
You know how hard this is to admit? It's like eating a box of pulvoron all in the same time without water tio aid your dry throat.
I finally got tired of saying I'm fine while in fact, I'm in hell being burned my selfish ego. The reason why I studied Psychology? My answer would always be, "I want to learn how a human being behaves." Human behavior my ass. The reason why I took up the course because I feel shitty about this effing being inside me that would get out when I least need her. I NEED to understand myself. I WANT to understand myself.
Bipolar? Yes, I have thought of that. But I am still sane. Just emotionally unstable.
I'm building myself as a normal human being. I am normal. It's my thoughts that are not.
Things that deals with ATTENTION. Hell yeah, I'm one hell of an attention seeking...freak. I have this tendency to "OVER LOVE" a person. Wherein I want her/him to be mine alone. I want his/her attention to me alone. This is most probably the greatest thing I hate about myself. I know it is a very bad thing. That's why I don't let 'people' regarding this matter. But here I am telling you every detail! No names though. That would be a lot better.
And I hope I'd be a little better. Just little by little everyday.
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