I had a conversation with a friend, the other day.
She: Do you ever get insecure?
Me: Of course. A lot of times, actually.
Me: Of course. A lot of times, actually.
She: What do you do about it?
Me: I leave it at rest. I just stick with the fact that even if I don't please everybody, atleast, I know a part of that everybody is pleased by who I am.
She: I get tired of pleasing everybody. I know I shouldn't do that, but sometimes, I can't help but take life as a competition. You know that kind of feeling? You can't sleep smoothly at night without absorbing the fact that some people are just better than you.
Me: You'll never actually be fully happy with that lifestyle. Trust me, I've been through hell on earth.
She: I'm afraid of mistakes.
Me: Being afraid of mistakes is like being afraid of learning. Just what people say, you can never learn if you don't stumble and fall.
She: Have you ever made a mistake that was never mended?
Me: Yes. More than once. I just believe that some things can't be fixed. That no matter how much you try and try and try to fix it, it will remain broken.
She: (kept silent for a moment) I wish I was like you.
Me: (shook my head and smiled) No. You'll never want to be me.
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Just like that, the conversation ended. And I was left by the question, WHO AM I? In my past blogposts, you've been seeing/reading a lot about me. How I think. How I view things and how I deal with the thing they call life. Let me just add some details.
I can't express what I truly feel. Anger. Hatred. Disgust. Awkwardness. I can't say it directly. But in my mind, I've tortured a lot of people. (Scary? Hahaha.) But yeah. Judging people comes naturally to humans. Plasticity is one normal thing too. It's actually more of "PAKIKISAMA" for me. As long as it's unintentional, I think it's nothing to worry about.
I'm a pessimist. Duh? Ain't it obvious. I tend to focus to the negative side of the story rather than the positive ones.
I hide all my weaknesses to the people whom I know would judge me for that. Well technically, lovies, not everybody can be trusted. So keep those secrets to yourself and share it to people whom you know would keep it and won't use it against you. Ayt?
When I dislike you, I dislike you. And vice versa. I don't believe in "First impression lasts." My process of knowing a person is to observe him/her. Yeah, I do that during my spare time. Haha.
I'm easy to befriend and my trust is easy to gain. It comes naturally on me to be too comfortable with almost everyone. Even if it's the first meeting, first chatting and everything, I make sure the person won't feel out of place and feel bored while talking to me.
I'm very MAKULIT. I'm getting used to doing "banats" almost everytime and make people laugh and enjoy my company. I love making people smile. =)
I can't handle my thoughts. Yeah. My mind has it's own master. It think by its own.
I'm sarcastically evil. Hahaha. I dunno. I must be Anally fixated. XD When I get into fights, which seldom happens, I don't bombard my "enemy" with foul words and harsh curses. I become sarcastic and bruise their ego until they use all those defense mechanisms they can apply. 'Cause you know, always remember, a person's bull's eye is his ego. Hit him there and you declare war. ;)
I have a very very very very very high pride. Sometimes, I have this feeling of being 'RIGHT' all the time. But I'm handling it now and learning to laugh at my mistakes. It's fun. Remember, a mentally healthy person can laugh at himself without hindrances. ;)
I love so much. =) When I tell you I love you, it will always be true.
I'm a true friend. Trust me. When I become your friend, I treasure you like a sibling.
Note to yourself that it's not a sin to be true. =) Show the world who the heck you are and make them fall in love with the true you. As what I always tell myself, pretending leads to pain and regret. Would you rather be loved for who you are not and be appreciated for whom you pretended to be? The question is, how long are you willing to play that role?
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