The Illusion of Happily Ever After

 If I am living according to the way I planned it perhaps a few years from now I most certainly be walking down the aisle on a lush green garden on the side of a cliff, wearing a Monique Lhuillier custom made creation, with Mr. Funny-Hella Gorgeous-Smart-With-Abs-Groom waiting for me on the altar.


That sure sound pretty ambitious, and it really is! And now as I put my feet on the ground, I can feel reality speak through the roughness of the my bedroom carpet. Being grounded, its easier to realise that I am not a character in a fairy tale book where I can just sing by the well like Snow White or sleep in the woods like Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), in order to get LOVE's ultimate kiss and awake in forever bliss. 


The thought of happy endings or happily-ever-after, though shallow, made me bear life's problems easier to swallow.


Even if I know that happy endings are more of a metaphor- something that was made up for us grown ups to have an escape, and a creative way as well to protect children about life's uncertainty, I still need a dose of a happy ending or an it-will-all-work out-in-the-end mentality to make through a horrible day. 




Happily Ever After? 



.....If your life was a race, and reaching the finish line first guarantees you a million dollars, can you say that you can live happily-ever-after when you win? 


....If you just graduated from the university- can you slack off since you got honours anyway?






.....When you reach your ideal weight at the end of the year- can you celebrate by eating carelessly and not care on what happens the new year?


I like to think that happy endings, if you put it in a proper perspective, is not really a one-time-big time moment depicted in the movies where someone survives a bloody gun shot, gets married, wins a competition, catches the criminal, kills the villain and save the plane from crashing.


These dramatic moments in our lives defines a part of who we are but it does not entirely make who we are. Its the same reason for believing that when you get what you want: the car, the house, the job, the partner- life does not stop from there because you gotta pay the bills, mortgage, suck up to your boss and do your share of the house chores.   




Is it a destination?

Happiness is a state of mind. 


The switch is in your hands to either turn it on or off, but its not toying with your emotions and forcing yourself to be jolly right after being robbed, but rather seeing the whole picture, looking for something else to be grateful about like the fact that you are alive- which is way better than being penniless!  


Do not rely on the promise of a happy ending when you can be happy right now. 


When you treasure little joyful moments, like the way your dog excitedly greets you at home after a long day's work, you will earn a bucketful (thousands) of reasons that you can throw at yourself when you're having a bad day.


 If you set your bar of happiness so high and prep yourself to a mission impossible- that you will only be happy upon reaching perfection- I doubt that you will ever be truly happy. Happily-ever-after becomes true to those set achievable goals on a daily basis, those who find pleasure in small improvements and those who appreciate the freedom that life brings.


 If you always live in the moment and grateful that you can still open your eyes in the morning and know that you have another chance to correct yesterday's mistakes, then you can be rest assured of your own happily-ever-after. . .

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My Silly Secret

Do you want to know a secret?





We all have nasty habits or secrets we don't want other people to know so we keep it safe to ourselves. And maybe, just maybe- only a circle of trusted friends knows that quirky side you've been keeping in years.



Deciding what part of yourself you want to share others is not always easy for the fear of being laughed at. I mean, not all people can get you without explaining too much. I bet you'll be called a freak if others find out you like salt too much that you can eat it by itself. But today that's the least of my concerns. 


I am opening a little shop of horrors *$&#* about myself- attempting to be brave. Don't worry, this is not even close to a monologue of exposé I intend on telling a shrink. I just remembered something I used to do, which I'm not sure anyone has ever done or will ever attempt if they're not at all half kooky. All I'm sure of is how silly the idea was. 


I'm dying to let this off my chest and wondering if by any chance someone else is as nuts as me who did something like this: 


The Crush Certificate


A crush certificate was a kind of document I used to prepare and sign to acknowledge that I have had a crush on someone for a period of time. I don't do this anymore but my 11-12 year old self certainly did. This certificate of appreciation was awarded to an exclusive pool of big time crushes I had in the late 90's.  


The most essential feature it had is an issue and expiry date. On every certificate I made for a crush, I have written the exact dates when I started having crushes on them and the exact dreadful day as well when I no longer find them cutest guy ever. Like when I found out that Stephen Gately of Boyzone was gay! 






Stephen Gately of Boyzone,
 one of the firsts who broke my heart.



To make it official, I sign my name on this document legibly as a declaration of 'love'. But I also bring meaning to every declaration by justifying why they are worthy of a Kat's Certificate of Appreciation because for me it's not just a spur of the moment thing. Like I stated reasons (gazillion of them) on what I liked about my crushes, like Nick Carter's serenading voice and charming smile. 






Nick Carter, once the apple of my eye.



I hunt for the best picture I can find in song hits magazines or newspapers and  paste it in this top secret document. So if in case someone blew my cover and found these crush certificates, they can at least give kudos for my taste for cuties. 




I have left behind a stash of these certificates on a well kept suitcase hidden in my room back in my home town. I'm hoping it's still there when I come back so I retrieve it and use it for cheering up myself on occasional bad days. I can't remember on what hooked me into doing that. It's like deciding at any early age I want my heart to be exclusive by dividing my heart into rooms meant only for people I really care about. 



Let me justify that perhaps during that time that's how I perceive adults are like when they are in love: crazy. So I tried to encapsulate a moment in time, through pieces of fine paper and handwritten scribbles of madness on what it felt like to be head-over-heels for the first time. 



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Valentine's Day for Singles

 Valentine's Day is once again knocking at the door.



It's only not a big deal of a theme this weekend for retail stores or restaurants- the truth is, for twenty something singles this is an annual dilemma. 


For new couples this is one of the most opportunistic occasions to romanticise a budding love.


And most likely for long time lovers, who are past the honeymoon stage, this is the time to be more creative in pulling off something special what will make both feel like a teenager again- might as well bring back the spice they had for each other when they were dating for the first time.


The Anti-Cupid
 
There are people who hate Valentines Day as much as the Grinch does- telling that they don't seem to care- well, I think they are saying the half truth! 


Obviously, those who hate it the most are probably singled out just recently or had the most painful love story and haven't moved on ever since. Or simply put- they are haters.


Who knows? They might soon change their minds once they fall in love again under the spell of Cupid's love potion no.13.


A long time ago I've never heard of this but now there are group of singles who organise parties and call it- Love Stinks- or the more straight forward- The Anti-Valentines Party. This is another way of crying out loud that being single sucks. Oh- what better way to not feel left out when couples are smooching in every corner?  


But this is absolutely sugarcoating pathetic-ness (let's say that's a real word) at its finest! 





Even though the chances of me being invited to these parties are higher- than being invited for a romantic candelight dinner for two, I still wouldn't go to these wear-only-black parties! Who wants to celebreate Halloween on February? You mourn for the loss of a person but please spare LOVE- it's immortal.


I may be single and had my heart broken, like what everybody goes through, but it doesn't mean I wanna play the victim when everybody's feeling lovey-dovey. Being single on Valentine's Day is not an excuse to feel sorry for myself, disassociate with my happy-in-a-relationship friends, curse on exes and shout that love sucks!


Yeah it's normal for us to make fun of ourselves when we feel miserable. This is a defense mechanism we do, so that we feel the blow of being alone, at a lesser extent. But I don't want to make a mockery out of love's sting. 


Love sure did hurt us at least once in our lives. But is it really that bad of an experience, that we have become losers/ lunatics to make Anti-Valentines Day something to look forward to?  


Or is Valentine's Day really important that we need to ensure no one is left out: so singles or non-singles can both be happy?


Misery loves company 


S.A.D or Single Awareness Day, not quite known to the dear the public, was declared an unofficial holiday for singles every February the 15th. The founders say that it doesn't mean that if you're single on Valentine's day- you have no right to be happy anymore. They encourage people without a Valentine's date to get together with their single friends, celebrate the joy of singlehood and shower each other with the works: flowers and chocolates or edible underpants. 


I get the tone that while the Anti-Valentines Party focuses on the negative sentiment of being loveless - however S.A.D is proactive or a better alternative for singles. 





Although the acronym associates perfectly with the common feeling that single men or women dread having on February 14th, which is sadness in the romantic point of view, it's really about empowering what its like to be single. 


For me its means to have fun and mingle a.k.a window shopping. No need to buy the lovely dress if you still have no use for it, can't afford one or you know there are still better designs waiting in other botiques. 


One for all- all for one 


The common notion about being single is that you are sad. Of course that's not true. Life does not  revolve around romantic love alone. 


You are single not because you have no choice, but the circumstances in your life right now are not yet ripe for you to make that choice. 


Having a great time with friends and family on Valentine's Day is fine. Go out of town or surprise your girl friends or mom a bouquet of flowers if you haven't done it yet. Do the unconventional. Treat people who have been good to you and make amends with an enemy.




Realistically, this may not be one of the greatest hits in your V-Day compilation of memories, especially if you are a hopeless romantic, but at least you don't have self pity written all over your face! 


Love is such a universal need for our survival. It comes in a variety and most complex of forms- so express it endearly to your loved ones this Valentines in any way you could.


Valentine's day works like a cliche-  making the non-comformist squeal and hate its cheesiness- but me- I don't mind.


Love deserves to be celebrated even in the most outrageous way because I don't know if I'd be here without it. 



Happy Valentines Day!  
Feliz Día de los Enamorados! 





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