I’ve thought of it once. Then it entered my mind again. Then thrice. Sheesh. That “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” Thai movie has been sending my mind at work. Unwanted flashbacks entered my mind and involuntary smiles formed on my lips. First love. Everybody has their own first love. And…yeah. I’m no exception.
While writing this blogpost, I have one wish. Just ooooooone wish. WAG SANA SIYANG MALIGAW SA BLOG NATOOOOO!!
*Breathe in, breathe out* Okay, I’m fine. How do I incorporate the movie to my “highschool first love”? Because it has a huge resemblance with mine. (Naks! “MINE” talaga. Parang totoong love story eh. Haha.) Because I was like Nam, keeping all the love inside me and pretending not to care. Because I’ve done some crazy things because of liking him. And because I fell for a guy like P’Shone. A guy who’s impossible to notice me. A guy who was liked by almost everybody.
The difference was, the guy already gave me “HINTS” that he liked me. He secretly gave me gifts. He gave me a necklace that he treasured so much. Many girls had asked for that necklace but he gave it to me. Once, he left a letter on my chair. None special. Just a simple, “I sat on your chair. =)” But sheesh, it sent my heart wild.
Like Nam, I tried crazy things for him. I’ve tried FLAMES, DESTINY and all those childish things to prove myself that we’re meant to be. And even finding out what he likes and forced myself to like them so we’d have something in common,
Teases were always raining in our classroom whenever he would sit beside me or just glance at me. We were a classroom “loveteam” then. But still, I remained stiff and ignored him. Like I wasn’t affected. Like I didn’t care. But all I wanted was to give in to the teases. To give in to the feeling.
Before our freshmen year ended, he had a girlfriend. =) Like a typical reaction, I was kinda hurt. Because I was wrong that he liked me. I was wrong that I was special. Moments went awkward. I stopped looking at him. I stopped greeting him each morning. But I never stopped thinking of him. His girlfriend was near perfection. She was beautiful, she was tall and sexy, she was talented, she was jolly and she was everybody’s favorite. Who wouldn’t give up on a battle after seeing the first prize being firmly held by someone else?
So I abandoned those childish thoughts and pretended I was fine. I busied myself in studying, writing and with other things in my life. I was in the bridge of forgetting him when one day, only heaven knows where everybody went, we were left in our classroom. I had a problem with my school shoes. He tried fixing it but he wasn’t able to. Then he spoke, “Noong nasira yung sapatos ni *insert girlfriend’s name here*, naayos ko naman. Ayaw yata sa akin n’ong sapatos mo.”
I kept silent. Not because I had nothing to say. But because I had so much to say and I was afraid that I would babble all my feelings out. And complicate myself more. I kept repeating to myself, “May girlfriend na siya, may girlfriend na siya.” But then he spoke words that immobilized me and my heartbeat,
“Ikaw kasi, di mo ako pinapansin kaya sa kanya nalang ako nahulog.”
Bang! I thanked my classmates who immediately entered the classroom and saved me from thinking too much. I eventually got the hold of myself and controlled those feelings.
Before our junior year, they broke up, I heard. They say the girl was too possessive. She was so territorial and most of the time overacting. And I thought, if it was me, I would’ve gave him his freedom but love him still. If it was me, I would make sure he felt contented with me, If it was me…If it was me…But no, it wasn’t me.
But, one day, it seemed like destiny has played its game. He started getting close to me. Even volunteered as my assistant director because he saw me having a hard time daw. But he wasn’t a big help. He was one big distraction. He was playing around with my feelings. He treated me like his…boss, according to him. He bought me meryendas, had lunch with me, told me to take a rest and everything. He suddenly became…sweet. And I thought, maybe he was feeling depressed because of their breakup so he was doing that to me.
On our prom night, he was the ONLY guy who asked me for a dance. But I refused. A week the end of our junior year, I found out that he was transferring to another school. That night, he texted me “Hi”. I replied and we ended up in a conversation where he admitted that he still liked me 99.9%. He even used to pass by our house and shout my name. He was the very first boy who visited me in our house. Heck, he was the first boy who told my father that he liked me. So, my father knew first.
It was too late though. He opened up those feelings on the time where he and his girlfriend got back together. He had a girlfriend. He had a girlfriend. And he actually had the guts to ask me, “Tayo na ba?” when I told him I liked him too. For me it was cheating, for him, it was a manly thing.
From then on, I haven’t heard a lot from him. Sometimes, when we talk on facebook, we feel awkward. He still does those “HINTS” and I can’t entertain them anymore. He would always show me support whenever I’d get a book published.
Like Nam, I would disregard liking him and reach for my dreams. Who knows? Destiny might play his games again after nine years. =)
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