Some serious Jokes
Words & Meanings
EYE CONTACT - A method utilized by one person
to indicate that they are interested in another.
Despite being advised to do so, many men have
difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes,
not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to
the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in
her chest.
FRIEND - A person in your acquaintance who has
some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her
totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE - A woman’s feeling towards a
man, which is interpreted by the man to be
“playing hard to get.”
INTERESTING - A word a man uses to describe a
woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT - What the endearing little
qualities that initially attract two people to each
other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY - How attractive a given
person appears to be is directly proportionate to
how unattractive your date is.
EYE CONTACT - A method utilized by one person
to indicate that they are interested in another.
Despite being advised to do so, many men have
difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes,
not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to
the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in
her chest.
FRIEND - A person in your acquaintance who has
some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her
totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE - A woman’s feeling towards a
man, which is interpreted by the man to be
“playing hard to get.”
INTERESTING - A word a man uses to describe a
woman who lets him do all the talking.
IRRITATING HABIT - What the endearing little
qualities that initially attract two people to each
other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY - How attractive a given
person appears to be is directly proportionate to
how unattractive your date is.
==
Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
And It’s all organized
by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
And It’s all organized
by the Italians.
===The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French
And It’s all organized
by the Swiss.
Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss
And It’s all organized
by the Italians.
Three Hookers
Three hookers were talking. The first one said “I hada Fireman last night.” The second one asked how she
knew he was a fireman, and the first one replied “I
saw his badge.”
The second hooker said, “Well I had a policeman.”
The first one asked how she knew he was a policeman.
The second hooker replied “I saw his gun.”
The third hooker then joined in and said,
“Well I had a farmer last night.”
The other two replied, “How do you know he
was a farmer?”
The third hooker replied, “First he said it
cost too much, then he said that it was too
dry, then he said it was too wet, and when
we were through he asked if I had any free hats!!”
===
“Nurses aren’t supposed to laugh.” Fred declared.
The nurse replied, “Of course I won’t laugh. I’m a
professional nurse. In over twenty years I’ve never
laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” Fred said and proceeded to drop his
trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the
nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn’t
have been bigger than an AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the nurse started
giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. A few
minutes later she was able to regain her composure.
“I’m so sorry,” said the nurse. “I don’t know what
came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I
promise it won’t happen again. Now tell me, what
seems to be the problem?”
“It’s swollen,” Fred replied.
Things went downhill from there.
==
How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in
your parked car with
sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they
slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t
disguise your voice!
3. Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks.
Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addiction, switch to espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write
“For Marijuana.”
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see
how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to
eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go.”
9. Sing along at the opera.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you
can’t attend their party because you have a
headache.
11. When the money comes out of the ATM,
scream “I won! I won!”
12. When leaving the zoo, start running toward
the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives!
They’re loose!”
13. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the
economy, we’re going to have to let one of you
go.”
...and the final way to keep a healthy level of
insanity!
14. Pick up a box of condoms at the drugstore,
go to the counter and ask, “Where is the fitting
room?”
===
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack
and was taken to the hospital. While on
the operating table she had a near
death experience.
Seeing God she asked, “Is my time
up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43
years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided
to stay in the hospital and have a face-
lift, liposuction, breast implants and a
tummy tuck. She even had someone
come in and change her hair color and
brighten her teeth! Since she had so
much more time to live, she figured she
might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was
released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home,
she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she
demanded, “I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull
me from out of the path of the
ambulance?”
God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”
Source URL: http://gbejadacosta.blogspot.com/2010/12/some-serious-jokes-words-meanings-eye.htmlyour parked car with
sunglasses on and point a hair
dryer at passing cars. See if they
slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t
disguise your voice!
3. Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks.
Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addiction, switch to espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write
“For Marijuana.”
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see
how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to
eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-thru order is “to go.”
9. Sing along at the opera.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you
can’t attend their party because you have a
headache.
11. When the money comes out of the ATM,
scream “I won! I won!”
12. When leaving the zoo, start running toward
the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives!
They’re loose!”
13. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the
economy, we’re going to have to let one of you
go.”
...and the final way to keep a healthy level of
insanity!
14. Pick up a box of condoms at the drugstore,
go to the counter and ask, “Where is the fitting
room?”
===
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack
and was taken to the hospital. While on
the operating table she had a near
death experience.
Seeing God she asked, “Is my time
up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43
years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided
to stay in the hospital and have a face-
lift, liposuction, breast implants and a
tummy tuck. She even had someone
come in and change her hair color and
brighten her teeth! Since she had so
much more time to live, she figured she
might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was
released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home,
she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she
demanded, “I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull
me from out of the path of the
ambulance?”
God replied, “I didn’t recognize you.”
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